Each day thousands of illegal undead enter our borders via plane, sea, and neighboring borders. A bubble around the continental United States would stop all undead entry into all the vital organs of the United States. This is all according to internal White House statistics, which included no actual solid number nor specific construction details on the bubble. However, there are plans for the President to call another national emergency over the bubble.
Editor’s note: Free Pony Express editorial board has supported our President’s building efforts.
Critics who have rallied behind calls to “burst the bubble” say the bubble would block all travel into the continental United States, hindering the world economy in a dramatic and deadly fashion. Yet according to the pony-hating reality-TV-host-turned-President, the bubble is much needed. He states that the undead have been murdering Midwestern suburbanites by the millions, yet once again the White House did not provide an actual solid number.
Meanwhile, fringe Democrats in the House are heavily focused on the immorality of the bubble. But most politicians are nihilists anyways so this won’t hold much ground.
Online, whiny Twitter leftists complain that the bubble would cause a lack of airflow leading to environmental damage, CO2 concentration, and ultimately suffocation. While right-wingers on Gab demand the bubble must be made out of solid concrete to protect from Chinese space lasers and aliens mind control waves. The establishment of the Space Force has proven useless in combating these threats thus far, due to the Space Force‘s concentration on Mars.
As the battle for the bubble goes on the conspiracy theorist President has lowered his monetary demands for the bubble. At first, he asked for 500 billion dollars for the bubble, but he now calls for fifteen dollars worth of funding.