Ted Cruz
Possible sketch of the Ted Cruz from 1969.

“This would be a good time to do a shutdown.”

—Donald Trump

With airports closing over fears of airplanes falling from the sky, parts of the government have been out of money for 35 days after Congress’s refusal to appropriate 5.7 billion dollars to build a monument to Donald Trump. Unpaid federal employees have resorted to food pantries, and millions could end up without expected food assistance. “Crocodile tears” flowed from a “miserable son a bitch” Republican, (whom many allege to be the Zodiac Killer). Complicating matters further, Donald Trump has openly stated that he views the wall as a monument to himself. While Donald Trump has stated that he is proudly shutting down the government, it is not entirely shutdown. Most of the government is still working, albeit without pay. The potential financial hardships has stoked fears that federal agents investigating their boss could lose their jobs over unpaid bills, especially if it the lapse in appropriations lasts for “months or even years.” 

“I am proud to shut down the government.”

—also Donald Trump

No one is asking the important question: Should we build Donald Trump a giant expensive monument? Of course!

Brett Kavanaugh explains how much he likes beer while being questioned about sexual assault.

This idea isn’t new. Politico proposed this idea in 2017. And why not?  Our President and leader of the free world, Donald Trump, has signed criminal justice reform, appointed a likely alcoholic sex offender to the supreme court, provided huge tax cuts, probably obstructed justice, possibly got a promotion in the KGB, bragged about grabbing women by the pussy, and got caught paying hush money for rawdogging a porn star.

So why a wall? Sure a big beautiful wall could cause flooding and countless deaths along our border with Mexico, but focusing on the negatives is short sighted when it comes to the lasting permanent legacy of such a beautiful monument. I could also set up the precedent for future presidents to have beautiful monuments as well. Imagine a monument to a future President Vermin Supreme, who promises a free pony for every American. That would truly be a monument America deserves.

Editor’s note: Donald Trump rejects the right to free ponies.

“What I do best in life, I build. … I want it to be so beautiful because maybe someday they’ll call it ‘The Trump Wall.’ Maybe. If they call this ‘The Trump Wall,’ it has to be beautiful.”

—Donald Trump

So maybe Democrats won’t pay for the wall. Maybe they will build another monument in honor of Donald Trump. Perhaps a giant golden statue of Trump. Maybe they could build a giant casino called Golden Showers. Even a statue of Toad from Mario Kart built in Trump’s honor would suffice. Regardless, our President deserves a giant monument dedicated to him, and 5.7 billion dollars is quite the bargain. With confederate monuments going down all over the country, we need a new monument to a new leader, for all the same reasons. Besides, if we don’t like it, we can always just knock it down later, right?

Spread the word!

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