CHATTANOOGA,TN– “I’ve decided to just go ahead and do it,” said area powerful sorceress Wednesday morning. “I’m just going to do it. The GOP has suggested I’m doing it for so long, I thought I’d give it a try!” she added.
She was referring to the repeated claims by Republican groups that Democratic sorceresses, witches, warlocks, mages, and or hoodoo practitioners are focusing all their energy on hexing the 45th POTUS right out of office. Up until recently, it was only partially true, as it had only been done by Wiccans. The sorceress, who wishes to remain anonymous lest the knowledge of her true name give her enemies power over her, has been spending at least 9 hours a day (with refreshment breaks) of the past two months jinxing, hexing, or otherwise placing very bad spells indeed upon President Trump.
“By the looks of things lately, it appears to be working!” she said brightly. When queried about her process she said it is all very simple. “Well, I throw on a couple episodes of American Horror Story: Coven, gather my ingredients, you know, Eye of Newt, Wing of Bat, stuff like that. Then I cast my circle and commence to just hexing the shit out of him. Fuck the Rule of Three. It’s worth it.”