In the latest interview, “President” Trump had some unfortunate words to say about our equestrian policies.
“It’s silly and makes the least amount of sense in the history of policies. Ever” Trump exclaimed, he might as well have said “I hate ponies. No one is getting their free ponies. Ever.”
Well Mr. Trump, the American people are at your doorstep and we demand free ponies. Even at this very moment, Americans are disguising themselves as everyday Americans, waiting for the moment to rise up and seize the means of pony production. Everyone you surround yourself with is an American who has felt the emptiness that you will not fill, so we would send a pony head like in the Godfather, but that would be totally against what we stand for.
I suggest we write tons of letters to the White House advocating for free ponies, and then have owls deliver them and completely fill the White House like in Harry Potter. Once he moves to a remote island, we send in a big friendly fat man to get the answer we want from him, “free ponies.”
America, I call upon you to enact change, to bring about a new age of ponydom.