We’ve recently received an unconfirmed report from an anonymous source inside the Department of Sensible Misinformation Management and Leakage Plumbing Services that Vermin Supreme has successfully traveled back in time. This scientific breakthrough is alleged to have taken place on the morning of Friday, February 2nd.
Supreme, The Tyrant You Must Trust, was attempting to travel back 2 years in time to 2016 in order to defeat Donald Trump for the US Presidency, but due to a mechanical mis-calibration he only traveled back 2 minutes. Apparently time travel causes some wicked disorientation and in his continued confusion he proceeded to perform the same task of attempting to travel back in time 2 years no less than 200 times. According to our anonymous source he always ended up exactly where he started though. Finally, regaining enough of his senses to realize that he’d forgotten to brush his teeth he went to take care of his important hygiene needs at which time he realized his machine must be mis-calibrated and he was not stuck in Groundhogs Day forever. At this time he has put any further time travel attempts on hold until his machine could be seen by a professional.
A petition has been started on change.org to commemorate this historic day in science as Free Pony Day. Those wishing to sign can find the petition at https://www.change.org/p/donald-trump-make-february-2nd-free-pony-day . Vermin Supreme has vowed that if Donald Trump does not make this happen, when he becomes President and Supreme Overlord he will forever decree February 2nd as Free Pony Day having said, “The Groundhog has had his day, the time of the Pony is here.”